remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
