You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
