I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize