It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
