Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
