Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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