Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
