I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
