You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
