the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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