How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
