all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
