We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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