Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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