Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
