someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
