I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
