I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
