Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
