You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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