my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
