i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
