We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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