The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
