my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
