we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
