you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
