Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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