apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
