I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
