best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
