I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
