I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
