What a fucking waste of an outfit
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
