i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize