So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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