I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
