if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
time to smoke my breakfast
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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