Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
