I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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