Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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