just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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