Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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