I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
