someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
