Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
