what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
