I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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