I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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