like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize