How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
then he tried to convert me to islam
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
