you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
