??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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