atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
