Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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