Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
